So, hello world.
School has been kicking my butt lately but I'm glad that there is only this week left. My birthday was on Sunday, so now I'm a year older. But I don't feel like it. I feel like I'm still eighteen or something. My relationship status is fully official on Facebook, still makes me blush when I see it. So far, my mom doesn't really mind at all. She's all "I told you you'd find someone stop whining about being single. They're in your face." and, she was right.
And my sister is alright with it too. She's happy for me and was all smiles about it when I told her. And she still wants to meet my Kira....she will, I hope. I probably will ask her soon when I think she isn't super busy.
I got an A in my World Mythology class. It was a fun class, and next semester I'll have creative writing. I just hope the teacher doesn't make us print out copies FOR THE ENTIRE CLASS I'd rather read my work out loud...even though I might be a little nervous. Only the teach needs a copy, IMO.
My webcomic is under a serious delay thanks to finals. Once school is out of the way I'll be able to work on it.
Doing things myself isn't as satisfying anymore, I'll tell you. Though I don't force myself to stay quiet like I used to. Imagining things does that to a person.
I feel naughty right now. >:3
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
O_O
Firstly, I need to learn a proper bedtime.
Secondly...er I dunno.
Thirdly.....
Anyway, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. So many things are different for me now. I think I finally understand what Joe had been trying to tell me over the years. He said I shouldn't be so uptight or closed in. I think I know why I was that way. I hadn't found someone I was comfortable with. When I look back at past feelings, I find it foolish that I ever felt that way. Good riddance. Even if they turned around and realized a truth, it's too late. I have someone. I don't know what this feeling is. It's like I'm happy and content, yet I long for more. Sometimes I wake up with this lonely sensation, this strong urge to be at her side. Believe me, I wish I could teleport because that's where I would be, and then I would conviently vanish to prevent issues.
Hhm, is there anything I won't do...yes there is, but I don't know what it could be. I feel as if I have enough trust to try new things and then determine if I like them or not. But that's only with her. I didn't feel comfortable with anyone else. I don't know what it is, but I feel very comfortable around her. It's like those walls I kept around myself are starting to fall apart whenever I talk to or see her. Of course, they go right back up with other people who think I'll open up to them. Sorry suckers, but you don't get that ability. I only open up to people I like or have fondness for. But in this case, it's more than fondness. I think its love. I find myself wondering "What is Kira doing right now," or "Man I wish I could see Kira right now" or "Eww why do I live so far away!" I want to be with her... >.< One day I will be. Even if I have to leave things behind and start fresh.
Okay, I'll go to bed now. This is enough.
Secondly...er I dunno.
Thirdly.....
Anyway, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. So many things are different for me now. I think I finally understand what Joe had been trying to tell me over the years. He said I shouldn't be so uptight or closed in. I think I know why I was that way. I hadn't found someone I was comfortable with. When I look back at past feelings, I find it foolish that I ever felt that way. Good riddance. Even if they turned around and realized a truth, it's too late. I have someone. I don't know what this feeling is. It's like I'm happy and content, yet I long for more. Sometimes I wake up with this lonely sensation, this strong urge to be at her side. Believe me, I wish I could teleport because that's where I would be, and then I would conviently vanish to prevent issues.
Hhm, is there anything I won't do...yes there is, but I don't know what it could be. I feel as if I have enough trust to try new things and then determine if I like them or not. But that's only with her. I didn't feel comfortable with anyone else. I don't know what it is, but I feel very comfortable around her. It's like those walls I kept around myself are starting to fall apart whenever I talk to or see her. Of course, they go right back up with other people who think I'll open up to them. Sorry suckers, but you don't get that ability. I only open up to people I like or have fondness for. But in this case, it's more than fondness. I think its love. I find myself wondering "What is Kira doing right now," or "Man I wish I could see Kira right now" or "Eww why do I live so far away!" I want to be with her... >.< One day I will be. Even if I have to leave things behind and start fresh.
Okay, I'll go to bed now. This is enough.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Well well well....
Let's just say things are going quite well for me. School is fine, and I had a blast at Youmacon 2011. I had so much fun even though I barely went to any panels like I did last time. I spent most of my time with Kira, playing the role of "cute uke pet" while I was there. I like being flaunted and lead around on a leash. So much fun. The most fun part about that is the taunting. Well, at least I got what I was hoping for on Saturday night. I think I'm touch deprived or something. I wanted that pretty badly....and I loved it.
I had no idea I could be so loud. How embarrassing. And that was only a taste. I don't think I'll be able to forget that until something else happens to replace it.
Crystal is very, very happy right now.
I had no idea I could be so loud. How embarrassing. And that was only a taste. I don't think I'll be able to forget that until something else happens to replace it.
Crystal is very, very happy right now.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Inconsistent Update Failure
Well, the title says it all.
Anyway, it's been nearly two months since my last post. But I'm doing good. I have two papers that I need to write before Tuesday next week. School is a blessing and a curse at the same time. Since I'm not working, my mom likes the fact that I'm going to school. At least I'm keeping busy, she likes to claim. I haven't drawn anything in the past few months because I lack inspiration, or the will to do so. I stare at a piece of paper or my computer screen and go "Uhm, what?" because my brain won't come up with anything. I'm the type of artist who rampages at the paper if my work looks bad, complete with tossing it across the room or scribbling across it in rage. I've ruined many things that could have turned out nice that way.
In other news, I have no reason to complain about being single. Of course, I wasn't so sure that this would ever happen, but it has. I remember her telling me that she had a crush on me, but I brushed it off then, thinking "Oh really, most of the people who say that are teasing or being funny..." That's what used to happen to me all the time. Some moron would come over like "Oh, I like you," while their buddies are somewhere nearby cracking up. I even had this idiot say "I like you, but no relationship shit. I just wanna fuck." Get outta here, loser! But then, over time, I started realizing that I found her to be very intriguing so to speak. Then there came a point when I remembered, but I was far too shy to ask. I thought I would be awkward or something, and then finally....
Knowing me, I think I was testing to see if it were true this time. I was so surprised, and a bit relieved. I probably wouldn't have been able to utter a word out loud at that moment. I still have that text in my phone. What was it again? Oh!
With that said *scratches head* will you go out with me? ._.
That was around like, September 27/28? :D One of those two days..
And well, the rest is history. I hardly said much before, but now I say a lot. I think I'm starting to understand what one of my friends said. He said "Hey, you need to open up. Stop being so closed in." Now that I think about it, maybe he classifies as a bro. I'm sure he will be pleased to know that his nagging actually makes sense to me now. Then I made mention of my new relationship and he says "You owe me a detailed explanation of when you-" and I wanted to punch him. That isn't his business, the idiot.
Oh and... I used to swear up and down that tentacles are gross. Guess I was covering up the fact that I like them.
And I'm also super excited because Youmacon is soooo close! I don't even care that I don't have much money, but I get the feeling that I will get some money soon. And I want to try my hand at making bead sprites with Perler Beads. They look like fun projects.
Anyway, it's been nearly two months since my last post. But I'm doing good. I have two papers that I need to write before Tuesday next week. School is a blessing and a curse at the same time. Since I'm not working, my mom likes the fact that I'm going to school. At least I'm keeping busy, she likes to claim. I haven't drawn anything in the past few months because I lack inspiration, or the will to do so. I stare at a piece of paper or my computer screen and go "Uhm, what?" because my brain won't come up with anything. I'm the type of artist who rampages at the paper if my work looks bad, complete with tossing it across the room or scribbling across it in rage. I've ruined many things that could have turned out nice that way.
In other news, I have no reason to complain about being single. Of course, I wasn't so sure that this would ever happen, but it has. I remember her telling me that she had a crush on me, but I brushed it off then, thinking "Oh really, most of the people who say that are teasing or being funny..." That's what used to happen to me all the time. Some moron would come over like "Oh, I like you," while their buddies are somewhere nearby cracking up. I even had this idiot say "I like you, but no relationship shit. I just wanna fuck." Get outta here, loser! But then, over time, I started realizing that I found her to be very intriguing so to speak. Then there came a point when I remembered, but I was far too shy to ask. I thought I would be awkward or something, and then finally....
Knowing me, I think I was testing to see if it were true this time. I was so surprised, and a bit relieved. I probably wouldn't have been able to utter a word out loud at that moment. I still have that text in my phone. What was it again? Oh!
With that said *scratches head* will you go out with me? ._.
That was around like, September 27/28? :D One of those two days..
And well, the rest is history. I hardly said much before, but now I say a lot. I think I'm starting to understand what one of my friends said. He said "Hey, you need to open up. Stop being so closed in." Now that I think about it, maybe he classifies as a bro. I'm sure he will be pleased to know that his nagging actually makes sense to me now. Then I made mention of my new relationship and he says "You owe me a detailed explanation of when you-" and I wanted to punch him. That isn't his business, the idiot.
Oh and... I used to swear up and down that tentacles are gross. Guess I was covering up the fact that I like them.
And I'm also super excited because Youmacon is soooo close! I don't even care that I don't have much money, but I get the feeling that I will get some money soon. And I want to try my hand at making bead sprites with Perler Beads. They look like fun projects.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Where did it go?
Today, I feel so uninspired. I open up my art program and stare at the blank canvas. Nothing comes.
When I try to draw, everything looks horrible to me.
I can't even focus on editing my novel. And it doesn't help that my mom just had to come downstairs and disturb my solitude. I was enjoying being alone, and she just had to enter the room.
Because it is hot upstairs, she will be downstairs all day until night. I will have to deal with her presence sitting in the same room. Ugh, I just don't want to be bothered!
And at the same time I wish I had someone to talk to so I could bounce ideas off of them. My friends never call when I want to talk to them. And then if I call I might be the one intruding. Dang it, I feel so lonely right now. I want to scream. And I know that I sound like a big contradiction right now, but I don't care.
When I try to draw, everything looks horrible to me.
I can't even focus on editing my novel. And it doesn't help that my mom just had to come downstairs and disturb my solitude. I was enjoying being alone, and she just had to enter the room.
Because it is hot upstairs, she will be downstairs all day until night. I will have to deal with her presence sitting in the same room. Ugh, I just don't want to be bothered!
And at the same time I wish I had someone to talk to so I could bounce ideas off of them. My friends never call when I want to talk to them. And then if I call I might be the one intruding. Dang it, I feel so lonely right now. I want to scream. And I know that I sound like a big contradiction right now, but I don't care.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Submissive? Yes? No?
Gender is irrelevant.
As a matter of fact, I think my tastes when gender gets involved are bit weird. I think guys with an obvious feminine side are the most adorable men on earth, even if they are gay. It breaks the whole "YOU ARE A MAN BE MANLY" thing that people spout nonsense about. As for women, I do not like them overly girly and flowery and prissy. Those girls annoy me. I find people whose gender is difficult to guess by looking at them to be really attractive. But anyway, that has nothing to do with this topic.
So. Submission. What is it?
Well for me, it would be having that one person that I can happily give myself to. There was this one person I would have handed myself to on a platter, but of course, they didn't want.
It isn't easy to get me to put you in such a status. Before I felt the way I did, a whole six months had passed. It took a very long time, and soon I found myself attached. I cried about it. A WHOLE LOT. And then I confessed, and failed. Unrequited love is fucking pain in the ass. Sometimes I look back on it and wonder if the feelings are still there. They might be, but I don't know if they will return to the front.
Ah yes, someone tried to make me doubt information I had been told. I take all views I get into account and make my own conclusion about them. I have read all over the place about D/s, and even though sex is there, it isn't the main focus. Sometimes I look at it as the Fighter/Sacrifice dynamic seen in the anime/manga series Loveless. Doms get their power and control from their submissives, because the submissive is giving it to them. It's not the other way around. If a sub doesn't submit, then a Dom can't dominate, right? That is how I see it. It's an exchange. If one half isn't working, then the other half won't either. Two parts of a whole. Or as in Loveless, a pair that shares the same name.
That's what it is to me.
As a matter of fact, I think my tastes when gender gets involved are bit weird. I think guys with an obvious feminine side are the most adorable men on earth, even if they are gay. It breaks the whole "YOU ARE A MAN BE MANLY" thing that people spout nonsense about. As for women, I do not like them overly girly and flowery and prissy. Those girls annoy me. I find people whose gender is difficult to guess by looking at them to be really attractive. But anyway, that has nothing to do with this topic.
So. Submission. What is it?
Well for me, it would be having that one person that I can happily give myself to. There was this one person I would have handed myself to on a platter, but of course, they didn't want.
It isn't easy to get me to put you in such a status. Before I felt the way I did, a whole six months had passed. It took a very long time, and soon I found myself attached. I cried about it. A WHOLE LOT. And then I confessed, and failed. Unrequited love is fucking pain in the ass. Sometimes I look back on it and wonder if the feelings are still there. They might be, but I don't know if they will return to the front.
Ah yes, someone tried to make me doubt information I had been told. I take all views I get into account and make my own conclusion about them. I have read all over the place about D/s, and even though sex is there, it isn't the main focus. Sometimes I look at it as the Fighter/Sacrifice dynamic seen in the anime/manga series Loveless. Doms get their power and control from their submissives, because the submissive is giving it to them. It's not the other way around. If a sub doesn't submit, then a Dom can't dominate, right? That is how I see it. It's an exchange. If one half isn't working, then the other half won't either. Two parts of a whole. Or as in Loveless, a pair that shares the same name.
That's what it is to me.
Sex? What Sex?
Sex is not important to me.
Let me say it again.
SEX IS NOT IMPORTANT TO ME.
As a matter of fact, why do I need it? Sure, I might think about it. Sure, I might look at hentai. But that doesn't mean that I want to have sex with the first man that offers it. There are toys, plenty of them that can satisfy better than a male can. When it comes to relationships, it is the full reason why I'm not in one.
I am sick of being approached like I'm a piece of meat and nothing else. My friend told me that if a guy does me like that I should look at him as if he were a piece of meat. Why and egg him on? No. If a guy approaches me I would like it if he would be friendly and perhaps talk with me about his interests, what he likes to do for fun, or any other non-sexual topic. When I first meet you, I want to get to know you. I do not want to jump into your pants.
Sex:
1) STDs. And don't give me the whole use condoms thing.
2) BABIES. I do not want any right now. (Again, don't say that condoms and the pill are surefire prevention methods)
I do not think I am even ready to go that far. Ugh.
Let me say it again.
SEX IS NOT IMPORTANT TO ME.
As a matter of fact, why do I need it? Sure, I might think about it. Sure, I might look at hentai. But that doesn't mean that I want to have sex with the first man that offers it. There are toys, plenty of them that can satisfy better than a male can. When it comes to relationships, it is the full reason why I'm not in one.
I am sick of being approached like I'm a piece of meat and nothing else. My friend told me that if a guy does me like that I should look at him as if he were a piece of meat. Why and egg him on? No. If a guy approaches me I would like it if he would be friendly and perhaps talk with me about his interests, what he likes to do for fun, or any other non-sexual topic. When I first meet you, I want to get to know you. I do not want to jump into your pants.
Sex:
1) STDs. And don't give me the whole use condoms thing.
2) BABIES. I do not want any right now. (Again, don't say that condoms and the pill are surefire prevention methods)
I do not think I am even ready to go that far. Ugh.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
I'm so tired!
I don't understand it one little bit. In my life so far, I have had these moments in which I would find myself very interested in another person, whether they be male or female. And yet I wonder why I tend to shy away from letting myself get close to others. I know the reason why:
THEY FUCKING IGNORE ME.
I wish I could rip out this stupid heart and destroy it because I don't need it. It's always causing me pain. Oh, people tell me "You gotta love yourself first!" I do. I'm not complaining. I'm angry and upset because it seems that every person I manage to gather the courage to confess to, they simply brush me off. Yes, there was one who said that the fact that I had courage to speak up impressed her, but that was it...
Maybe I'm too shy.
THEY FUCKING IGNORE ME.
I wish I could rip out this stupid heart and destroy it because I don't need it. It's always causing me pain. Oh, people tell me "You gotta love yourself first!" I do. I'm not complaining. I'm angry and upset because it seems that every person I manage to gather the courage to confess to, they simply brush me off. Yes, there was one who said that the fact that I had courage to speak up impressed her, but that was it...
Maybe I'm too shy.
Monday, March 28, 2011
So yeah people.......
Now let's go back a post. I remember in that post I mentioned having the urge to be a pet.
That urge is still with me more or less, but now in a different form. Depending on the person, I'll submit. But I'm realizing that I would like to be a less of a submissive pet and be a dominant one instead.
How can that happen, one asks? Simple. I will do what a submissive person asks of me to do to them. Kinda like being owned by a master who somewhat tops from the bottom. :)
Oh wow I can't believe I'm acutally bringing this up.
>:3
That urge is still with me more or less, but now in a different form. Depending on the person, I'll submit. But I'm realizing that I would like to be a less of a submissive pet and be a dominant one instead.
How can that happen, one asks? Simple. I will do what a submissive person asks of me to do to them. Kinda like being owned by a master who somewhat tops from the bottom. :)
Oh wow I can't believe I'm acutally bringing this up.
>:3
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Dies Laughing
Oh wow.
I wonder how many people know that I'm actually pansexual. That means I don't give a care if a person has a penis or a vagina.
But then again, not many people may know that even though my mind is sexual at times, when it comes to actually having sex with another person, I'm like "Meh, not interested."
I think I would enjoy mental intimacy more than the physical kind. If you can't get to my mind, you sure as hell can't get my body to respond to anything. I'll probably just glare at you and look annoyed and lose all interest in attempting a sexual act if my mind isn't fired up for it.
That's why the situations I've been in sexually FAILED HARD every single time. And that's only been like two in my entire life, and I didn't care much for neither of them.
I'm not easy when it comes to sex. I wish idiots I mean people would realize that.
/hysterical laughter
I wonder how many people know that I'm actually pansexual. That means I don't give a care if a person has a penis or a vagina.
But then again, not many people may know that even though my mind is sexual at times, when it comes to actually having sex with another person, I'm like "Meh, not interested."
I think I would enjoy mental intimacy more than the physical kind. If you can't get to my mind, you sure as hell can't get my body to respond to anything. I'll probably just glare at you and look annoyed and lose all interest in attempting a sexual act if my mind isn't fired up for it.
That's why the situations I've been in sexually FAILED HARD every single time. And that's only been like two in my entire life, and I didn't care much for neither of them.
I'm not easy when it comes to sex. I wish idiots I mean people would realize that.
/hysterical laughter
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
No Job Now...
So yes, Crystal is unemployed. But who cares.
I chose this fate for myself, for I could see that it wasn't going anywhere. I had hit a fucking glass ceiling. Of course my mother wants to tell everyone that she tried to tell me not to do it instead of saying that it is my choice and that she supports what I want to do regardless. What the fuck can one do with 200 dollars a month in this expensive ass capitalist nation of America? I do have enough money to pay my cell bill, but I'm looking to get a short piece of writing published, maybe act one of Re: Incarnation, a yaoi tale involving a young man and his run in with the Angels of Disaster. I'm thinking it might be a novella, or a series of short stories involving the same characters.
Hopefully, it will be a good venture to get it published once I finish it.
I chose this fate for myself, for I could see that it wasn't going anywhere. I had hit a fucking glass ceiling. Of course my mother wants to tell everyone that she tried to tell me not to do it instead of saying that it is my choice and that she supports what I want to do regardless. What the fuck can one do with 200 dollars a month in this expensive ass capitalist nation of America? I do have enough money to pay my cell bill, but I'm looking to get a short piece of writing published, maybe act one of Re: Incarnation, a yaoi tale involving a young man and his run in with the Angels of Disaster. I'm thinking it might be a novella, or a series of short stories involving the same characters.
Hopefully, it will be a good venture to get it published once I finish it.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Why?
She loves to burn incense when I have colds. It only makes the cold worse for me to deal with. I DON'T SEE YOU BURNING THE STUFF WHEN YOU HAVE A COLD!?!
Ugh.
Ugh.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Stupid Urges....
I'm having one of my moments, as usual.
I woke up today with an urge to be someone's pet. You know, a pet who sits on the floor next to their owner while they sit in a chair or something with my head against their leg or on their lap. And I would let them pet me behind my ears and under my chin. Too bad I don't know anyone who wants a human being for a pet. I would cook (out of boxes of course) and keep things neat. And do whatever else they may want.. >///<
But the only thing about being a pet is that they would be taking care of me. Providing me with food and shelter, and maybe clothes, depending on taste. I still have goals for myself though. I will publish a novel one of these days.
So...who wants a pet? I kid. But if the right person comes along.. :)
I woke up today with an urge to be someone's pet. You know, a pet who sits on the floor next to their owner while they sit in a chair or something with my head against their leg or on their lap. And I would let them pet me behind my ears and under my chin. Too bad I don't know anyone who wants a human being for a pet. I would cook (out of boxes of course) and keep things neat. And do whatever else they may want.. >///<
But the only thing about being a pet is that they would be taking care of me. Providing me with food and shelter, and maybe clothes, depending on taste. I still have goals for myself though. I will publish a novel one of these days.
So...who wants a pet? I kid. But if the right person comes along.. :)
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
YES MY SKILL LEVEL HAS INCREASED
I have a laptop now. It has Windows 7.
I read somewhere that someone was disgusted with my obsession.
I just said that I would settle for one. A laptopy is a laptopy.
That is all I have to say.
I read somewhere that someone was disgusted with my obsession.
I just said that I would settle for one. A laptopy is a laptopy.
That is all I have to say.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Oh for the love of........
So yeah, classes start later today. My first class starts at 6:00 PM. I'm actually excited about school. But then again, somewhat I'm not. All my free time has been shot to hell. I'll be doing nothing but working and studying and sleeping with a tiny bit of time here and there for eating. I'm gonna be really busy until May. Oh I how I wish it was May already!
There's a rapist running around in Detroit, and that's where I live. My family members and friends keep telling me about him. I don't care. If you act all paranoid, something is bound to happen to you. Don't they think I have enough common sense to wait at a bus stop where there are other people waiting as well? Don't they think I have that much sense to not wait at a bus stop all by myself? Even though my classes start at 6:00 and it is dark around that time, I'll be leaving the house early so I'll be waiting during daylight hours when it is time for me to go to school.
I have grown much more distant as time passes. I once loved you...the feeling is very faint, but because you're so far away, it is getting pushed further and further back until I might forget it is even there. Now you miss me, and I bet you're starting to realize how you feel. I wish you wouldn't have let other people's opinions stop you from actually doing something about it. My heart seeks love from that one person that I can happily love and serve in return! Hell, I'll even dress up like Sebastian and be your personal servant. (I just can't drive you around so...yeah, you'll need someone else for that >.<)
*headdesk*
There's a rapist running around in Detroit, and that's where I live. My family members and friends keep telling me about him. I don't care. If you act all paranoid, something is bound to happen to you. Don't they think I have enough common sense to wait at a bus stop where there are other people waiting as well? Don't they think I have that much sense to not wait at a bus stop all by myself? Even though my classes start at 6:00 and it is dark around that time, I'll be leaving the house early so I'll be waiting during daylight hours when it is time for me to go to school.
I have grown much more distant as time passes. I once loved you...the feeling is very faint, but because you're so far away, it is getting pushed further and further back until I might forget it is even there. Now you miss me, and I bet you're starting to realize how you feel. I wish you wouldn't have let other people's opinions stop you from actually doing something about it. My heart seeks love from that one person that I can happily love and serve in return! Hell, I'll even dress up like Sebastian and be your personal servant. (I just can't drive you around so...yeah, you'll need someone else for that >.<)
*headdesk*
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