SLEEP....AGAIN!

Yes, I need to go to bed.
Why? I have to work at 8 AM.
But I am still awake. Why?
Because I am working on novel stuffs. I might actually spend Friday editing the first seven chapters of my novel. I need to get more serious about my work! It won't get published on its own. And I want to entertain people with it.
Thanks novel, for making me sleepy.
But it will be worth it in the end!

Flyff = Grind for Grind (Grindfg)

No, I am not kidding you.

That game is so grindy later on once you are past level 70 that it isn't even funny. I have a level 71 char who has been stuck on lvl 71 because I'm too lazy to play. You would be too if the only exp you earned was .05 a kill, sometimes less than that! Things move far too slow in that game for my taste.

And then it is a fucking cash shop mill! But guess what, it's my favorite MMO, as a matter of fact the first one I ever played, so maybe it isn't that bad.

It is an enjoyable game...until you have to start grinding your butt off.

SLEEP!

I have a very weird sleeping pattern. But then again, I think that is a common trait among otaku. I remember at Youmacon there were several people who probably did not go to bed for even a measly  little hour. I don't know why I like staying up so late....

I think I am going to go tuck in for now, maybe I will wake up later and do something like work on my novel instead of slacking of by hanging around Facebook. I swear, it's like crack being on that site. I keep checking for notifications...

Not to mention I have to work tomorrow. I'm going to need all the rest I can get.

Good night world.

Persona 3 Portable

This game is addictive. Once I really got into it, I could not stop playing! It's insane.

My first Persona game happened to be Persona 4. I enjoyed P4, but I didn't get into it as deeply as I am into P3P. Hell, my first exposure to P3 was with P3FES, and I loved it. But P3P made it very enjoyable. Currently, I am playing on my second run with a lvl 99 main character, both male and female. It's funny once you get your high leveled personas from the compendium and take your party to Monad, they level like crazy! Junpei and Yukari are both close to 50 on my male character's game and I haven't even beaten the second full moon boss yet! Talk about major over leveling that will result in major overkill, even though I'm playing on HARD MODE! I'm not going to play on Maniac. I like having stuff carry over too much to play that mode. It's spoiled me.

By the way Atlus, Monad is a game breaker. Once you have the ability to take your party there, good bye grinding in the beginning. It only gets grindy when they are like lvl 70-80ish.

Also, I have a good strategy for beating Nyx that does require you to have access to Monad so you can over level to 99. Once you've done that, fuse Helel if you can, and use his Mind Charge and Morning Star skills the entire battle unless you need to heal or he has Moonless Gown up. You'll win so fast it isn't even funny. Or you could just save an Armageddon item and get it over with even faster.

That's all for now on P3P. Feel free to talk about your strategies and discoveries about the game.

What's the deal with World of Warcraft?

Okay, so one of my friends plays it. But I don't get why it seems like a lot of people love that game. Well, I figured I shouldn't spout hate speech about it since I haven't tried it yet. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. But from what I've read about it sounds highly interesting with a developed storyline and all that good stuff.

I kinda do see why people like it, but I'm not going into detail...maybe one day.

It's not that I don't play MMORPG's...I actually love them. Just don't have the money for subscription ones. I've played Flyff (that's the first one I ever tried), Scions of Fate, Luna Online, Ether Saga, Perfect World (like 3 days before I uninstalled it...) I don't think I have a high enough attention span to keep playing. Especially when games get grindy.... (*coughFlyffcough*)

BOUNCY BOUNCY BOUNCY <-------------------------------This line is irrelevant to the topic >:3

I need to stop.

>:3

WHY?

My mind has been all over the place lately, thinking happy thoughts and sad thoughts and everything in between. I have fallen to the deepest pits of darkness only to find small sparks of light that seem too far out of reach for my hands. I look around and realize that there is no chance for someone like me.

Where will hopes and dreams of better days take me? I keep reaching, but it feels like that day will never come. Still, I wish there was someone....

Why did she leave me here all alone? It doesn't matter now. I'm still upset, and very much hurt. Was I not worth the truth at all? Why couldn't you tell me the real reason? I must not have been very important to you.

And soon, my other best friend will be moving away as well. I'll be here all alone. Making new friends could be the answer, but friendships take time to build.

Some days I feel like my heart is tied in painful knots and I just want to scream. I just want to yell out how frustrated I am with everything and everyone. Where is courage when I need it? Why can't I ever express what I want? Why can't I just shout "HEY I WANT YOU!"

Fear. That is why. Fear of looking stupid, fear of rejection, fear of fear.

So, is confidence important? Yes, I believe it is. I had enough courage to say the first part...but the second part is oh so fleeting. I feel like I won't have a chance in hell!

What does it matter? It's not like anyone I know reads this damn thing even though the link has been on my facebook page for MONTHS.

/end rant

Random bursts of nonsense from the pits of my mind......

You know you're not the only one.......

I need to stop procrastinating...but it is fun. Yay for the distracting powas of the interwebs!

I don't think I'll get far with NaNoWriMo.... bettter start up again or I won't catch up in time O_O

Thanks a lot you stupid anime convention (Youmacon) now I have a crush on someone. >.>
But don't worry, I had a good time.

Why am I writing this crap?

Ugh.

My mother is not home right now. YAY I has the compy all to meself... should work on writing right now...
NAAAAAH. *pokes self* Uhm okay writing it is....

*head on desk*

Youmacon 2010

Well, well well, it was a long weekend. It all began October 28, and ended Oct. 31. The first day, I stayed up, running around like a maniac on caffeine. My feet ended up killing me because I was an idiot and wore my shoes with the big huge heels. I had to do some epic running around to buy comfortable ones because the CVS stores I stopped by didn't have any so I had to make a trek all the way back to my home store.

I talked with so many different people, but I was kinda silly to not ask for their contact info. But I think I'll run into them at the next con I go to, hopefully.

After seeing all the cosplayers in person. I WANNA DO IT MYSELF, but like everything fun it is going to take LOTS OF MULAS and I decided that I need to practice drawing me arts and sell them for money.

I bought a keychain from an artist who cosplayed as Sebastian of Flonne. I love Flonne, she's adorable, especially with this line: "ULTIMATE ATTACK!!!!! Lord, give me strength."

This is a bunch of random rambling. I have only slept four hours since Thursday. FAIL.

There was a fanfiction panel. I learned the following: One thing that should not be used as lube: Napalm.
Wow. Some fanfic writers EPIC FAIL and that is why they are hilarious.

I officially have no monies until I get paid again, and then that money will be for bills. YAY. >.>

I enjoyed the Kuroshitsuji panel. Ever since I started the first episode, I have been obsessed. If I get more money, I will start buying the manga.

I can't think of anything else to add. Whew.

Just Chillin'

I WANT A WINDOWS 7 LAPTOP.

I USED TO BE A SUCKER FOR APPLE COMPUTERS, BUT THEN I ACTUALLY GOT TO SEE HOW GOOD WINDOWS 7 IS COMPARED TO APPLE'S OS.

NOW I WANT WANT ONE.

*SIGH*

Cheap Netbook!!!!

Guess what world? I have a netbook. It's a small generic no name brand netbook running Windows CE as an OS. I got it from my grandmother, even though the computer isn't an extravagant one, I'm still pleased with it. Now i just gotta figure out how to watch videos from youtube with it, as well as listening to music.

God has a sense of humor because I kept begging him for a laptop and now he's probably laughing at how slow I an typing because this damn keyboard is fucking tiny as hell and my wrists are screaming in agony. T_T but I'm stilll happy. My grandma made my day, I love technology, no matter how extravagant it may or may not be,

Dream of A Butterfly

Dream of Butterfly or is life a dream
Don't wanna wake up coz I'm happier here
あなたがいる それだけて良かった
ただ一つの 真実だったの
だけどそれは夢で
Swaying and dissolving like bubbles in the dark ocean
気付けば誰もいない
確かなものは何にも
Reaching for the shimmering shape in vain
ここには無いと解った
うつろうこの世界 何を信じて生きればいい？
悲しみ I can't believe in you
溺れて but I cannot forget you
叫びながら あなた見た I will dig up my faith
あの夜 and march on
あなたが I cannot see ahead
いるから but I can't keep standing still
私強くなれるんだと So I will close my eyes
信じた and march on
苦しみ can't lay the blame on you
畏れて but I can not forgive you
泣きながら あなた呼んだ So drenched up in rain
あの日 I'll march on
あなたの I cannot face the sun
せいだと but I cannot dream at night
気付いた 自分の弱さ So under the moonlight
全てが I'll march on

Translation and Romaji here: 
http://megamitensei.wikia.com/wiki/Dream_of_Butterfly
Listen to the song here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6aoM95-ZOc&feature=related
This song is actually in line with some of my feelings. I may seem to be an emotionless shell, but I do feel things. It's funny how most of the games I play or books I read, I end up making a connection with them. It's like the real people just don't get it. Maybe I'm too weird for this world.
Or maybe the right one hasn't come along yet....
Or maybe I already know who they are, I just have to..nevermind.
*SIGH*

It is what it is!

I have to work today at 7am.
It sucks that I have to get up at 5:00AM, leave the house at like 5:30AM or 5:45AM, then I walk to the bus stop and wait.
But guess what makes today worse?

I'M STUCK THERE UNTIL 5:00PM! And I bet I will be stuck at the front nearly all day. What the hell is with their trend of making me the cashier for most of the day? It's boring, it's tiring, and customers want to come in and bitch your ears off! GAH! Only makes me more motivated to get my own stuff so I can relax. Ugh.

I'm going to be popping energy drinks because I don't feel like going to bed...*sigh*

Persona 3 Portable is turning out to be a highly enjoyable game. I love it, especially the girl's theme..I should link to it in this post...I like the girl's battle theme, Wiping All Out. It's actually quite catchy. I can't help but tap my feet or nod my head to it. Atlus caught me hook line and sinker with Persona 4. I'm gonna need a PS3 when Persona 5 comes out. Atlus > Square Enix, end of story.

TEH NOVEL

It's coming along just fine. Now I just need to finish filling up this notebook, since it's half full. I just need to think of more crazy stuff to put my characters through until it all piles up at the end and leaves the reader going "WTF JUST HAPPENED I GOTTA READ THE NEXT BOOK TO FIND OUT OMG OMG OMG!"

Hehe. That's going to be funny. I look for inspiration everywhere now, instead of complaining that my job gets in the way of my writing. I can pull ideas out of my coworker's convos that I constantly overhear. They talk about everything, so yeah. I sometimes get the most brilliant ideas while working on totes on truck day.

Writing my book, each day at a time. ^_^

Booooooo.

I honestly don't feel like going to work later.

I NEED TO GET THIS BOOK WRITTEN. T_T

Randomness

My life is completely, utterly wierd.

I am 22 and never had a date in my life. My nose is too busy with books, writing and video games for all that. Is it wrong of me to wish for someone who gets me without having to ask? I'm already confused as it is, I don't want to confuse myself even more!

I saw Karate Kid, the one with Will Smith's kid...Jaden? Is that his name? My brain doesn't remember it right now. I'll correct it some other time if I'm wrong. That movie was excellent. It's inspirational to all kids in the world who get bullied at school. Learn something new, and use it to show up the people picking on you. That's the lesson it holds.

JLfdoiLEJlifjilweajtkakdjtailwejetkdla my back is stiff and sore. I have been craving a nice long massage until my muscles are loose without an inch of tension in them. Maybe I just might get that wish hehe.


RANDOMNESS FTW! RANDOM RANDOM RANDOM!

I REALLY NEED TO STOP WRITING IN THIS THING AT 3 IN THE MORNING. I SWEAR IT IS THE LACK OF SLEEP CAUSING MY CRAZINESS.

CVS OWNS ME FOR FOUR DAYS. I WANNA VOMIT. HOPEFULLY I'LL BE ABLE TO GET HOME AND CHANGE SO I CAN GO TO THE FIREWORKS, SINCE THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE MONDAY...AND I THINKS I'LL HAVE TO BUY A NEW BUS CARDY SOON. YAY.

This isn't good.

I have a bill collector who wants to sue me.

I mailed off the response to their complaint...but I forgot to type the space for my signature. I just wrote it in with the only pen I had at the time, which was a blue one. Damn it, I'm still freaking out a bit over that. I'm so shaky about it. I hope everything will be okay. I wasn't expecting them to try and sue me. I pray that the case gets thrown out. I really do hope that happens. Please, please, Almighty One, let it be thrown out! This is stressful. I was almost to the point of tears. But I gotta keep my chin up. >.<

MY MOTHER.

IS FULL OF WIN.

Random is fun. Since I don't have anything to write about today. >.>

Taking up space is fun.

CVS is not fun.

I have issues at the moment.

*SMIRK*

YAY PHOTO TRAINING

YAY.

I'M SO LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.

NOT.

XD

Just look at this!

I must be very weird to want to trade places with her. I actually would love to be someone's pet slave. >.>

What I mean by that is I would be loyal and obey them, and basically do what they tell me to do, as long as I am well taken care of and happy. You just don't jump into something like that. To me, it's just like having a relationship.

My nature is pretty much that of a submissive. I don't like being in charge all the time, too much effort and work involved. I like to leave that stuff to people who like being in control and making choices. If it's easy for them, then why not let them have fun doing it? I only make choices when it is absolutely needed for me to do so. Like right now.

I am not a neat freak. That's probably something I need to work on because I can thrive in a mess. Seriously.

But then, even a mess starts to drive me absolutely nuts. And that is when I clean it up. Look at me, rambling on and on about complete nonsense. It's almost three AM and I'm up writing this crap. I need something else better to do with my time. Ugh...

Sleeping in Chairs LOL

Why would anyone in their right mind fall asleep in a chair? You end up stiff, your neck is all achy...yeah.
But I have that same problem when I sleep on my bed. Maybe it's because I don't have a pillow. It's like I suffer from constant stiffness in my upper shoulders, back and neck. I wish it would just... GO AWAY. T_T but it's not. Maybe it's because I don't have someone around to give me massages. *sigh*

Stupid Job!

I DO NOT FEEL LIKE GOING TO WORK TODAY.
I DON'T FEEL LIKE IT AT ALL.
I'D RATHER DO WHAT THE HELL I WANT ON MY OWN SCHEDULE.

I NEED TO GET MY WRITING PUBLISHED.
THEN EVERYTHING WILL BE BETTER.

*SIGH*

Fucking fakes!!!!!!!! RAWR!

I am such an idiot.

HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU MANAGE TO GET A FAKE MEMORY CARD FROM THE FUCKING GAMESTORE?!?! SOME IDIOT LEFT A FAKE ONE, AND NOW I HAVE TO BUY A REAL ONE. I GUESS I'M GOING TO GET ONE OF THOSE GREENDOT CARDS AND PUT LIKE 60 DOLLARS ON IT SO I CAN ORDER A NEW CARD FROM SONY DIRECTLY. UGH.

AND I GUESS I'LL BE STARTING MY GAMES OVER FROM SCRATCH, BUT THAT ISN'T A PROBLEM BECAUSE I'LL BE BREATHING EASY KNOWING MY CARD IS A GOOD WORKING ONE. ^_^

Art supplies

Why the hell are art supplies so expensive?!?!

It would be REALLY nice if people would buy me art stuff for Christmas, or my birthday. Or at least get me a gift certificate or gift card so I can get them myself.

OMG IM LYKE SORE

DAMN IT MY LEGS HURT SOOOOO BAADD. THANKS A LOT CVS. I HATE YOU.

I'm not going to take classes during the summer and then I will see if my hours drop back down to one day. If they do, I'll be like "WTF YOU ONLY GAVE ME MORE HOURS CUZ OF SCHOOL YOU CHEAP BASTARDS-----------" Ahem.

Never mind, I'm just ranting. Feel free to totally ignore this post. Ugh.

Ohohoho!

This a new blog for me, as you can see. I've just started this one, so I hope you people like it. Anyway, if I could actually keep up with writing in these things maybe I could make a name for myself online. But, I'm lazy. You'll be lucky if I update this thing on a regular basis, seriously.

A couple of days ago I bought myself a bondage style collar from Hot Topic. Some people hate Hot Topic, others like it. I for one am one of the people who do like Hot Topic, and I shop there because some of their items like arm warmers, socks, T-Shirts and shoelaces appeal to me. I don't go there all the time though, because they're freaking expensive! EXXXXPPPPPEEENNNNSIVVVVEEE.

And yes I know that was totally not needed but hey I can write what I want here who's going to read it and have a snotball comment about it?

And besides, my interest in the BSDM lifestyle may actually put me in a situation where I HAVE to keep a journal, so I need to get used to it.

FetLife is the bestest site ever. *grin*

Okay, this thing is typing weird.....>.<
I'm going to stop now.
Honestly.

Why are you still reading?

>.<